I rarely speak about this. This may be the first time I have done so publicly. It has been almost 15 years since I left active ministry. That was without a doubt the most agonizing decision of my life. I loved being a priest and those that know me, know that if I could still be one (and be married) I would be one today. But I will use a phrase that my wife loathes…IT IS WHAT IT IS.
Shortly after I officially made my decision, I bumped into a former parishioner. We had a very friendly relationship. He looked at me and somewhat sheepishly and asked “So, you still goin’ to church?” I laughed out loud. Like his question, my reply has stuck with me ever since. “It was not a hobby or just a job. Of course. I go to St. Joe’s.” And we both laughed.
It was agonizing to make that decision to withdraw from ministry because it was not a job or hobby. But it was not a withdrawal from Christ’s Church. That would be like leaving my family. My family is not a job or a hobby. Family is core. Faith is the ground upon with my feet stand. It is the oxygen that fills my lungs and the blood that flows in and out of my heart.
In our Baptism, we are called to live that faith…faith in Word and Sacrament. The Great Commission is ours. “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Mt. 28:19-20. The confident reality of this sending is that we are with each other and our God is among us. “I am with you always”.
Those of us who are Catholic, we are in a family of faith in the midst of a crisis. I know some have made the agonizing (some not so agonizing) choice to walk away. I have known both victims of abuse and their perpetrators. I have had and continue to have relationships with each. I have had challenging and strained relationships with those in leadership who did not address things the way I would have. The range of emotions I have in each particular situation and encounter are like the rising and setting of the sun…but I cannot withdraw. I cannot leave. I cannot and will not abandon that which grounds me in my life with Christ..in my relationship with Father Son and Holy Spirt. I am the Church by word and sacrament.
So…if you feel God is silent in your life…Open HIS WORD. Hear HIS voice. Seek His way. And, if you are questioning who you are in this Church…let the SACRAMENTAL reality of who you are sink in. Revisit the meaning of your baptism and what it means…How the Eucharist is food for this journey. How Reconciliation restores us to each other and God when we fall…how the promised Advocate has been given to us in Confirmation (if you have been)…how the vows of marriage define you…Holy Orders conform you…and Anointing of the Sick accompanies you.
We are a Church proclaiming WORD and SACRAMENT made Holy by God and complicated by sinners corrected by saints … a family with a message of Hope for a longing world. Nope…not a hobby.
“And I tell you, you are Peter,and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it.” Mt 16:18