You know you’re getting old when you start marking significant moments in your life by decades and not by years! It’s hard to believe it was 25 years ago. If I close my eyes I can re-live that time in vivid detail. Looking back, I can say that the pain of that time was life-changing. And now that pain, as unwelcome as it was then, is an anchor of trust.
Twenty-five years ago I was face to face with darkness…I was depressed.
I remember going late one night into the chapel to pray, or just to be. In the silence of the moment the words from a song that was played is it meditation hymn at Mass came to settle into my heavy soul. Holy Darkness.
How could this darkness or depression be in any remote way called “holy”? But it was. This darkness lead me deeper within myself and closer to the one who makes all things holy. Just like walking into a pitch black room, knowing where the light switch is, but not being able to see it, I needed to trust. The switch hadn’t moved. Trust was needed to walk in darkness.
As little children, what do we do? We as our parents to turn on the lights… in the basement…in a dark room or closet. We need light. We fear the dark. We hesitate. We need light.
The first candle on the Advent wreath reminds us that Jesus Christ is the light of the world. He leads us through darkness toward himself — miraculously then, we become light.
As Advent begins, I thought I’d offer the words of that song for reflection…darkness compels us to grasp for light. Don’t grasp…trust! Ask your Heavenly Father to turn it on.
Holy darkness
Holy darkness, blessed night. Heaven’s answer hidden from our sight As we await you, O God of silence. We embrace your holy night
I have tried you in the fires of affliction. I have taught your soul to grieve. In the barren soil of your loneliness. There I will plant my seed
In the deepest hour of your darkness I will give you wealth untold. When the silence stills your spirit. Will my riches fill your soul.
Holy darkness, blessed night Heaven’s answer hidden from our sight. As we await you, O God of silence. We embrace your holy night.